


Madness

by SonjaJade



Category: Monster (Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Mental Instability, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 18:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10471344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: Nothing Johan does is ever going to be enough.





	

The inferno around he and Schuwald was beginning to consume the library.  There were people screaming and panicking; he’d heard gunshots, no doubt between Tenma and Roberto.  The chaos and fear was so thick he could taste it in his dry mouth.

But it wasn’t enough.

The smoke wasn’t black enough.  It wasn’t thick enough and when he could take a breath without coughing he was disappointed.  And when he closed his eyes, he could feel the searing heat of the blaze around him, but it wasn’t hot enough.  Even the fact that there was a possibility Tenma could be aiming a sniper rifle at his face right now… it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough to kill the trauma of 511 Kinderheim.

It wasn’t enough to wipe the memories from his mind.

Deep inside, a young boy raged and cried and screamed for salvation, absolution, redemption… cried out for silence and peace in his troubled soul.  Outside, a young man didn’t even cry as a library full of innocent people blazed and threatened to collapse around them. 

 _‘Make it stop…’_ he begs silently to any deity that will listen...

_“You’ll make a great leader one day, Johann.”_

**_Look at all the blood!  Did I do this?_ **

_“You’re excelling at your studies, Johann.  If you continue like this, you’ll be our finest candidate ever!”_

**_Why is everyone in the room DEAD?  What did they do?  What did_ I _do?!_**

And on a brightly colored page reads: _“Look at me! Look at me!" said the boy.  "The monster inside of me has grown this big!”_

**Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp…**

  
_**MAKE IT STOP!** _

  
He wished the place would just fall down already, so the nightmare could be over.  So that it would stop.  So he could finally have peace…

When he heard glass breaking and sirens wailing ever closer, he knew it wouldn’t happen.  He turned and strolled away, leaving Schuwald to whatever God had planned for him.  Johann would simply have to try again to get Tenma to kill him.


End file.
